Open Doors
The end of the trail is passed. The blazes turned to blue and the knife's edge carried me back to the world I used to live in. Weeks spent poring over pictures went by, as a mourning of this brief lifetime in the woods, from where nothing short of a rebirth, it seems, emerged in the end.
The sadness consumed the triumph, and left me antsy, restless, but mostly tired. I slept for a few days; and packed my bags.
After a day on the road, alone (the way I thought the trail would be), I returned to my old diary and read about my motivations to hike. Within minutes I felt energized, inspired, the sadness washed away. The mourning was genuine, but avoided the simple fact that the trail had been a success. Not for the completion of it alone, but for walking Boston out of me, and letting go of the anger and stress that marked my temperament for a good year. How simple it was, to realize I reached my most treasured goal. How simple to look back now, knowing that beyond one goal, those months in the woods gave me so much more. From this new orientation, I have found peace outside of the woods, contentment with myself, an openness to the society I didn't miss on the trail, and the tenacity that accompanies a powerful faith in your own capacity.
After visiting my trail buddies, folding their friendships into our present- without a shared path, I cried. It was the loss of my only community, now scattered across the continents. Despite that reaction, as I commute from old friend to new friend, the blessing of these connections clarifies the picture. There is so much love in my life. Even the love in my life is clarified. The appreciation, support, drive, and understanding among these anchors on my precious web have refined and redefined concepts previously tarnished. For all you are, I am grateful. For all I have, I am blessed. For how simply I lived, I was happy. Exiting the wardrobe and stepping out of my Narnia, holding the hands of my fellow daughters of Eve and sons of Adam, together and individually we are finding our way without any blazes, and these are exciting times.
When I was on the trail I often said "we're all in it for one person alone but we're in it together." Now, today, nothing about that has changed.
The sadness consumed the triumph, and left me antsy, restless, but mostly tired. I slept for a few days; and packed my bags.
After a day on the road, alone (the way I thought the trail would be), I returned to my old diary and read about my motivations to hike. Within minutes I felt energized, inspired, the sadness washed away. The mourning was genuine, but avoided the simple fact that the trail had been a success. Not for the completion of it alone, but for walking Boston out of me, and letting go of the anger and stress that marked my temperament for a good year. How simple it was, to realize I reached my most treasured goal. How simple to look back now, knowing that beyond one goal, those months in the woods gave me so much more. From this new orientation, I have found peace outside of the woods, contentment with myself, an openness to the society I didn't miss on the trail, and the tenacity that accompanies a powerful faith in your own capacity.
After visiting my trail buddies, folding their friendships into our present- without a shared path, I cried. It was the loss of my only community, now scattered across the continents. Despite that reaction, as I commute from old friend to new friend, the blessing of these connections clarifies the picture. There is so much love in my life. Even the love in my life is clarified. The appreciation, support, drive, and understanding among these anchors on my precious web have refined and redefined concepts previously tarnished. For all you are, I am grateful. For all I have, I am blessed. For how simply I lived, I was happy. Exiting the wardrobe and stepping out of my Narnia, holding the hands of my fellow daughters of Eve and sons of Adam, together and individually we are finding our way without any blazes, and these are exciting times.
When I was on the trail I often said "we're all in it for one person alone but we're in it together." Now, today, nothing about that has changed.
posted by Sara Haxby at
4:07 PM
